etcetera whatever

Caveat: There is no part of me that is applying this post to any kind of personal situation.

***

On the topic of social construct - Diamonds:Weddings :: Cake:Birthdays.

{I don’t really like cake and don’t really like having it for my birthday but every now and then someone gets me cake because if you don’t really know a person well, it is just what you do.}

I like that someone asked this question, and that even though this is more of a high end style site for men (don’t ask) (ok, fine - I like men’s clothing. what?), the answer took into account social justice & practicality, two things dear to my heart. Also, I don’t particularly want a diamond, so I was happy to see the answer pose that as an option.

You’d hope you’d know the person you are asking to marry you well enough to have some idea about what would bring her joy.

putthison:

The Question: What to select for an engagement ring?

The Answer - three main points:

(1) Fake is bad -

“First of all… yes, synthetic diamonds are in poor taste. Generally speaking, synthetic anything is in poor taste. The simulacrum is not well-regarded in taste circles, generally. So dump that idea.”

(2) New diamonds are bad -

“Real diamonds, of course, are a fraught issue themselves…[First]: conflict (or blood) diamonds. Many of the sources of newly-mined diamonds are in regions beset by horrific wars, and the funds from the sale of these diamonds fund this violence. There have been many efforts to eradicate this problem from the industry, but none are perfect. The industry itself, even the non-conflict-diamond part, is pretty fucked, too. [emph. mine] It’s full of creepy cartels and collusion and awful colonialist and post-colonialist grossness. So: just don’t buy a new diamond.”

(3) Try something else!

“Consider a non-diamond gem. The whole diamonds are forever thing is a bit of an industry construct, and while diamonds are quite beautiful, there are other choices that are similarly beautiful, and less expensive to boot.”

(Omitting this part, but he also suggests vintage ring for an untainted-vintage option. Seems reasonable.)

And finally - regarding price - the part I’ve always thought was really silly. (For example, I’d much rather travel than have a pretty rock. But I guess that just goes back to the idea that you’d better know who you’re buying the thing for!)

“As far as how much to spend, remember two (slightly contradictory) things. The first is that it will be on her finger forever, so you’ll want to get the best piece you can. The second is that its symbolic meaning so far outstrips its financial value that no matter what you get, she will love it. The old rule of thumb is a month’s salary, and I don’t think that’s unreasonable. If you’re a high earner, consider whether your wife-to-be would like to be seen as, uhm, a rich lady. Most people are fine with that, of course. If you’re not a high earner, again, remember that the ring will be the symbol of your love and commitment, and that is more beautiful than any rock.”